You would think that the herd part would be the fact that there not here. That you have would have to let them go. No more memories to make, and no more words to be spoken.
But there are so many more new thing that you face, than just your loss.
You Think Of The Others.
The hard part about that is that you never know when it will happen.
The day when someone you didn’t know will call to talk to you Mom, and you have to tell them the hard cold truth that no one wants to hear.
Today when I took my Sister to work that’s the exact thing that happened.
But I didn’t get the phone she did. On the other end of the line, I herd the voice and I felt it coming. And there it was “Hi Yolanda?” It’s not that unexplainable. People would mistake us for are Mom all the time. And say that we sound just like her.
That sometimes makes me wonder what Grandma, must feel? If for but a brief second must she feel as if she is talking to Mom when she’s not? To hear her voice and then remember that she’s gone, and not coming back. It’s the little thing like that that hurt the most. I know that this phone call is not easy for Roni. She hasn’t taken very many calls like this. And I know just how hard they are for me. So I can just imagine. As she tells the lady “No this is her doughtier. Can I help you?” The Lady says that she’s Moms Cousin and goes on. “Is your Mom there? Can I talk to her?”
Now Roni has to tell her. That she cant talk to her, and that not only can she not talk to her today, but that she well never get the chance to talk to her again.
Its amazing that you can say all of that in just three words.
She pasted away.
What happens after this is so sad. But its always deferent.
Some people start crying, some don’t know what to say. But most just say that one word that they all in up getting to. Sorry…… I’m Sorry. I’m Sorry to hear that. I’m Sorry for your loss. I’m Sorry we weren’t there. I’m Sorry we didn’t send flowers. I’m Sorry. I’m Sorry! I don’t want them to be Sorry! I don’t know what I want them to say. But Sorry just doesn’t feel right. And in the end I’m Sorry too. I’m Sorry that they didn’t get to say good bye. I’m Sorry that she wont ever talk to them again. I’m Sorry that they didn’t get to see her sweet peaceful face on that dark cold day in January. And I’m Sorry that they have to find out this way.
That just one of the hardest thing you have to know. That your not the only one hurting, not the only one crying. Seeing them missing her is almost as hard as missing her yourself.
As I was writing this the phone rang and when I picked up the phone. It was my Dad’s sister calling to say that she had just herd the news.
By Catie Caberea
1 comment:
Dear Catie, Your post brought back memories that I thought had been long forgotten. It is not "sorry" you want, You just wish was not the way it is. I told you that this whole year will be very hard, but you WILL get through it. It will be very hard the next time you see one of your Mom's sisters at least it was when I saw my Mom's sisters and My Dad's brothers. Today, I am glad and it makes my heart rejoice when I have the opportunity to see them. I look at them as often as I can so that I can hide the memory in my heart. Because with time, their faces have dimmed and only with a picture can I really remember what they looked like. But In my heart, they are very real.Who they were, what they were to me, oh, yes, we will never forget. love you, Catie, Ronni and Jr. Mrs. McEntire
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